I believe that we endure certain hardships for a reason. It’s amazing how when we heal ourselves from trauma and go on the right path, we yearn to help others.

When I was in high school, I went through my own share of loneliness and verbal abuse which took me until my mid-twenties to truly overcome.

This is my story…

Ever since I was a young girl, I always wanted to fit in and be “normal.” I never wanted to stand out but for some reason it always just seemed to happen. Maybe it was the fact that I grew up without many asian peers. I had black hair and dark eyes whilst the majority had blonde hair and blue or green eyes.

Fast forward to Year Eight and I was still only 1 asian out of the 3 in my year. I got my first “real” boyfriend and I was so excited but for some reason, the mean girls in my year started hating on me for no reason. In hindsight it was probably because of jealously (stupid, I know) I got called ugly, not good enough, wannabe, flat chested, chink, slut etc. And no matter how much I tried to ignore those horrible comments, it still got to me. I think it’s because when someone’s told something negative about themselves or has their self esteem challenged, we often internalise the comments. I was too shy back then to talk about it to anyone, even my friends & family. I let it fester inside me rather than speaking up.

Anyways, so that happened for about 1 and a half years. I ended up moving states and lived with my best friend at the time. Life was actually really great. We had lots of fun, we were popular at school and lived a happy and exciting life. What I didn’t realise, was that I was still holding onto those comments from years ago by hiding behind heavy makeup, blue contacts and bleach blonde hair. There’s nothing wrong with any of those, as long as you’re not using it as a shield like I was. Without makeup I didn’t feel beautiful or worthy of love & attention. I was always conscious of what I looked like, always making sure that my outfit, hair and makeup was on point- Not for myself but for others. I remember my friend’s mother asking me “Why do you wear so much makeup everyday? You’re so beautiful naturally” and I just bursted out crying. Maybe it was from the built up emotions of holding my pain in, or maybe hearing someone say it out loud to me was too much.

So fast forward again to 19 year old Michelle, when I met my incredible boyfriend, now Fiancé. I still struggled with self love and had major insecurity issues. No matter how many compliments he gave, I could not believe it. My inner mean girl would always say, “Why me?” “I’m not special.” “There’s so many prettier girls out there. Why would he choose me?” Through repetition, I was able to change my paradigm. It took a long time and a lot of hard work but I got there in the end. 2 years later we moved to sunny Gold Coast which is where I found my love for yoga. This beautiful studio in Varsity Lakes showed me that yoga isn’t just a practice, It’s a lifestyle. From yoga, I dived into my self-growth journey, became my highest self and learnt how to let things that no longer served me go; The past hurt, the negative comments and painful encounters. I was finally controlling MY life. I no longer sought approval from others because I approved of myself. Other people’s judgement don’t matter because I know who I am deep down inside; a kind, loving, genuine, energetic soul. I feel beautiful in my own body now and love every part of it. I wear full makeup only on special occasions. I’m proud of my heritage and who I am + I don’t mind standing out. Since then, I have been committed to growing and showing myself more love, compassion and empathy. Now, when someone gives me a compliment, I smile and say “Thank You.”